guest post by Erica Fox
Saturday, September 11th, 2010
7 am -
Panic. Wakefulness.
Woken by Susan Gordon. Rather, woken by the cellphone buzzing under my left leg. Seems that I turned the alarm off in my sleep and rolled over onto it. Not an auspicious start. Panic ensued. I have never packed faster, or spent less time thinking about personal hygiene in my life.
8:30 am -
Arrival, Introductions.
Arrived at the Marin Headlands Center. Awesome. Completely shrouded in fog, but so charming. Was very impressed with the facilities. Very easy to impress before 9am. Which leads to the next point - whoever thinks that introductions at events like this should happen before 9am is brilliant. I think I slurred my introduction to everyone I met - failing completely to remember any names, and being spectacularly un-charming. This is a great way to get very intimate with people one might have otherwise tried to keep at an arm’s length. Showing up at your very worst. Great idea.
9:15-10:45
Unconference.
No idea what this was. Was naturally skeptical. Totally wrong. I know lots of people love these things, but I was really excited to find that they were not full of it. After brainstorming a lot of issues we ladies had in our lives, we went on to brainstorm solutions to those problems. I’m the kind of person who, when falling, goes limp and hopes for the best. These were not women of the wet-noodle school. I was pretty certain, before 9:45 that most of my problems had been solved.
Narrowed this list to 8, and split up to lead our own discussions about the issues. Frankly shocked, considering how I was feeling, to see four beautiful, with-it woman standing under my chosen “coping with/overcoming fear” sign. Also frankly impressed with how willing these grown-up-looking strangers were to jump right into the details of what scared them. No apologies for oversharing, just some blind trust that we were all there for the same reason.
11-12:30pm -
4 steps to GOLD.
Considering my feelings about early mornings, I feel guilty mentioning how difficult I also am when I’m hungry. But it’s real. So hungry. So prepared to sleep through this session. Clara is a rockstar. Don’t get me wrong, I will assume anyone with a British accent is just a little smarter, but Clara was pretty excellent. Her impression of the cruel voices in your head as a “drunken dinner guest” in the “Give it up” section was brilliant. Also strangely reminiscent of a college friend. Regardless, I found the excercise of identifying and isolating the negative forces in your life, before acknowledging the good, and then identifying what could make that even better to be interesting. Obvious, I suppose, but how many Saturdays do I commit an hour and a half to actually thinking about this? In fact, any other Saturday at this hour is almost certainly spent in a less constructive manner. Think fetch. With a dog who hasn’t worked out the part where he brings it back.
12:30-1:45
Lunch.
Need I say more. This place was great. Split pea soup!
1:45-3:15
Fearless Strategies for Asking (and Getting) What you need.
Really bad at this. Spectacularly so. I will go to great lengths to just do it myself if there’s an awkward conversation on the horizon. This is why I can sew my own clothes and write html. Starla and Laura came armed with the ultimate tool for a group of overachieving women: lists. Kind of blew my mind that a list of things an average person should consider asking for could resonate with so many members of the group. Incredible how obvious some of them were, but how many of us came up with excuses for why we had never asked. Spent a lot of time quieting my drunken dinner guest, who was saying “but your friends/lovers/mom wouldn’t WANT to do that”. Great.
3:30-5:00
Telling your story with food.
Did I mention I love food? Chloe’s presentation really struck me, beacause I generally try not to connect my eating habits with any sort of larger analysis of my mental/emotional well-being. Something about growing up in the suburbs makes a gal not want to talk about/think about/obsess about her relationship with food. Chloe, on the other hand, had no choice. To be fair, the rest of us don’t so much either. Still have to eat three times a day. But Chloe can’t try to ignore it the way the rest of us can. The “lab” was to create delicious things from the ingredients in front of us. Which I (now that I was awake, and caffeinated) took as a metaphor for the group of women I was looking at. Avocado and banana? With cocoa nibs? A nurse, a corporate finance person, a founder of a non-profit? What a delicious dish. Although, we made something pretty foul-looking. Still, I’m sure once people closed their eyes, they were into it.
5:00-6:00
Optional hike.
Turns out we missed the sunny window by a little. I was pretty impressed to discover that the retreat center was so close to the water...which was totally socked in when we got there. But hiking was gorgeous anyway. Such a nice lagoon thingy. Also, got to meet/chat with some more new ladies, and totally impressed with everyone’s ability to chat and move.
6:00-7:00
Dinner.
Man, I love food. So so good.
7:30-9:00
Happy Hour.
Wine and hooping. Not a combination I often think of, but really a great idea.
9:00-10:30
Campfire and Social Event.
Was glad to discover that social event = s’mores. I love s’mores. And being social. The only thing that could mar an event that social was when someone’s marshmallow stick fell on Tynisa, and everyone thought it was a raccoon. But man, those raccoons were aggressive. Still, nothing quite like a campfire and some grilled sugar in northern California. A point I haven’t really made properly yet, and probably should - there were a bunch of really remarkable women at this event. I mean, really remarkable. There are all sorts of external signifiers that make us remarkable - incredible accomplishments on the job, or volunteering. Remarkable social skills, outstanding dedication to the welfare of others, stunning good looks (just sayin’) but the thing I was struck by most was how much everyone was interested, and willing to dig deeper. There are a lot of very accomplished people out there who will never question themselves. Who are pretty sure that they have everything figured out. I am always impressed with someone who isn’t convinced that a little self-reflection will bring them down. Even more impressive is a successful person who is willing to listen to analysis (and advice!) from complete strangers.
10:15 -
Sleep.
What can I say, I’m a sleeper.
