YWSE Co-Founder Niko Everett on Motherhood

In March 2007, YWSE-SF board members interviewed YWSE co-founder Niko Everett, Co-Chief Executive Officer of Girls for a Change. Now she’s a mother, and we recently came across a blog entry on being a new mother.

We asked if we could share it with you all, since Niko's profile interview was popular last year. Niko replied, “Absolutely!  Anything that helps new mamas!  Congrats to all you Mamas to be!! I am including a few other thoughts I had once I hit the 8 month point of motherhood.

It tells a slightly different story and might be useful for you women when you are there.  I know that I needed to hear these things from my girlfriends – as overachievers (which most YWSE women are) it can be hard to be anything less then perfect as a mama. Glad to help in any way I can. Niko”

Niko's thoughts 8 months into motherhood:

When I was pregnant one of my best friends blessed me by proclaiming that she was a lazy mother.  At the time I had no idea what she meant but ever since the birth of my son I have held onto her proclamation with glee that I am not the only one.

We are a motley crew, me and my 8 month old.  Maybe not by the looks of us, we look pretty together.  He is cute, dressed in little man clothes and I can usually pull it together enough to impress.  But behind it, we are not the “good mother, perfect baby” pair I had imagined when I was pregnant. I had this ideal that I would take him everywhere, teetering on my hip as I had dates with friends, changed the world and got my hair highlighted.  Well, it didn’t exactly work out that way.

You hear new moms (usually the ones who look spotless, well groomed, skinny and well slept) throw around the words, “I am the worst mom”.  And you usually know right away that this means, they are the best mom because the “worst moms” feel too badly to admit it.  What is the “worst mom”?  Well, I can tell you first hand some of my “worst mom” behaviors.   Plastic toys, having the TV on when my baby is awake, killing trees with disposable diapers, letting him chew on my keys if it will keep him happy in the car for 5 more minutes and wondering when I will finally lose these last 5 pounds.  This is my mom guilt list.  Oh, let me add that I have not successfully sleep trained my son, so he does not sleep through the night or anywhere near.

It might be acceptable to be self deprecating when talking about yourself as a mother but it is certainly NOT ok to call my baby anything other then perfect.  If someone asks, how is your baby, the answer is, “perfect, wonderful, angel etc.”  However, my baby is not.  He often wakes up 45 minutes after we put him to sleep at night.  He often wakes up five times a night.  Last night he stayed up from 3-6am.  He doesn’t play quietly and happily in his room with his toys.  He likes me to be there with him and gripes pretty much as soon as I walk away.  He has no idea how to “self soothe” and needs me or his dad to bounce, rock, feed and do a little dance to get him to sleep.  And sometimes he gets fussy for absolutely no reason at all.  He hates the car seat and any trip that is longer then 20 minutes.  Needless to say, he does not ride around on my hip as I gracefully careen through the world.

You might ask, are there perfect babies? Oh yes there are.  These are the babies who do sleep through the night, who do play alone by themselves for hours on end and who are put wide awake into their cribs and turn over to gently roll off to dreamtime.  They eat, poop and sleep on a schedule and they coo all day long.  They take long rides in the car and giggle in the back or fall asleep any time the car rolls over 30 miles an hour.  They come to work with their Moms and quietly listen to brainstorming sessions while breastfeeding.  I wish these babies on all of you!  I do not have this baby.

I do not have this baby and I am not that mommy.  So, we are a less then perfect pair, he and I.  And yet, when I look over at him even as he grabs for me when I want to walk away to clean the house or pee and he will not have it, I see perfection.  Even as he wiggles in my arms after an hour of bouncing and rocking and will not go to sleep, I see perfection.  Even when he decides it is fun to be up for hours on end at night, I see perfection.

So maybe I am a lazy mom and maybe he is an imperfect baby, but to each other, I hope we are perfect in our imperfection.  I hope we can give one another love each day and I hope that is enough.

Read Niko Becomes a Mother

 
 
 

Comments

[חדרי תינוקות]

Hi!! My two kids , they are perfect babies.Both were eat, poop and sleep on a schedule and they cool all day long. No mother is lazy , every mother is created by God instead of him. Than Q for this great post.

[SerenaCarter18]

Do you recognize that this is correct time to get the personal loans, which would realize your dreams.

[home loans]

Various people in the world take the personal loans in various creditors, just because this is comfortable.

[christian louboutin]

Teams did a great job of coming up with creative t-shirts for their walkers and supporters.